I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He better not be in your backpack
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
