...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
