If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize