i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
