Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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