How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize