i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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