You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
