Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
