I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
