I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
