What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
