Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
