Soap is not a condiment
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize