So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
