We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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