Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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