i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
