Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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