You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
