I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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