Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
