Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
