After last night, I could never be a politician.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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