by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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