..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
