And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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