My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
