do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wish my penis had a tongue
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
