Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
