yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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