I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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