my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize