I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
