I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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