Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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