Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
