I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
