So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
