he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
