i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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