So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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