I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
