you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
