I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
