Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
