so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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