you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
