Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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