watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
