How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
