Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize