he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sorry about my life...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
