I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize