and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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