It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
