You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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