Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
