I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize