My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
