I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize