I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
