If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
