my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
