i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
