Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize