Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
