just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
