She's JV to your varsity
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
