We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
