He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize