May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize