My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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