I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
