u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
