I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
