sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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