We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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