I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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