can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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