Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
