i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
