I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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