it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
