at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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