I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
