She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I forget how to act sober
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
