a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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