listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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