sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
