Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
