its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize