Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even my vagina gasped.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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