Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Too much gin, very little bucket
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
