walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
